There is another singles group, whose functions I’ve been attending, off-and-on, for over ten years.  This one is a church group.  It’s called SOLO Adults.  “SOLO” is an acronym, but nobody knows what it stands for!  It’s certainly appropriate though–both the women and the men are the most frigid I’ve ever known!  No one dates–in fact, these people take pride in being lonely! 

Anyway, there’s a woman named Jan, on whom I’ve been fixated since the first time I saw her.  She’s beautiful–dark eyes, dark hair–and very prim and proper (a quality which always arouses me, I guess because it’s such an opposite)! 

In December, I invited her to the next reading of my writers’ group, and hinted that I would like to treat her to dinner sometime (to which she replied, “Well–we’ll see”)  To my shock, she gave me her number!  When I called (I didn’t know it was a cellphone number), she said she was at a church meeting, and suggested I call her the next night, between 9 and 10 pm.  I did so, and (“Surprise, surprise, surprise!”) got her voicemail.  So I left a message, with my number.

Two days later, she called.  I happened to be asleep (when not working, I usually sleep till after 2 pm), and couldn’t wake up.  So she left a message on my answering machine.  She explained that she unexpectedly had to visit her daughter the night I called.  Then she said she wouldn’t be able to date me until January, because she was too busy with some “Angel Tree” bullshit at the church.

She lied–because she showed up, for the first time,  at one of my singles-group dinners the next Friday–too busy, my ass!  I was so nervous I had to drink three beers in a row, as fast as I could!  And even after she left early, for no apparent reason, I had to drink one more!

Jan hasn’t been to any more of my singles-group functions–I think the company is too much fun for her!  On January 10, she hosted a dinner (a monthly SOLO Adults event) at Miller’s Ale House.    The dinner went well (I found out later, from a mutual friend, that Jan did drink alcohol, although I didn’t notice if she did at this dinner); I had three beers with my pork ossobuco, and the rest of the group didn’t seem to mind my drinking (some of them drank a little too, though much less–I’m a very large man).  But Jan said nothing to me about dating.

I saw her again last Wednesday, at another singles group of that same church called SAGA (Single Adult Growth and Accountability).  When Doug (one of those “born-again” church-addicts, and apparently the director of SAGA) asked me how my job was going,  I answered–and went ahead and revealed that I had a diagnosed mental illness, myself (in explaining that most unique quality of a certified peer specialist). 

I probably killed any possibility of a date with Jan, right then, but I didn’t care.  In fact, Jan uttered “Praise the Lord!” as I discussed my being able to help the patients in a way the other staff members couldn’t (by relating to them from my personal experience with mental illness).  I simply replied, “Thank you,” yet said nothing after the meeting about going out with her.

But tomorrow night I plan to approach her, after the SAGA meeting, to gently remind her of what she’d said on my answering machine, and to request a dinner-date.  Now this is not the only reason I’m attending SAGA again–I’m not that pitiful (lol)!  But it is the primary one!

Of course, I expect her to decline–or accept, and change her mind at the last minute.  But this is the only way I’ll know for sure.

Still, I’m frustrated!  Unlike most men, I fall in love immediately!  If a woman is gorgeous, available, and seemingly virginal, I imagine a lifelong love affair with her, in a few minutes!  It’s like one of those fast-forward romance clips in a film–the kind in which the man and woman jump from first meeting to first phone call to first date to first kiss to first fuck,  in a series of  five-second scenes, to the accompaniment of music!  I should be a screenwriter!

So of course I’ve already planned out my lifelong relationship with Jan, who’s probably going to brush me off!  Then I’ll do the same with another woman!  This post may seem sad, but really I’m laughing all the way through it!

Well–considering the countless times I’ve gone through this same thing, and bounced back to go through it again, at least I can crow what a resilient son of a bitch I am!

0 Responses to “GET OUT OF MY HEAD, JAN!”

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