TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED

My financial situation is straightened out now, so I’m no longer broke.  And I wrote the draft of the music-impression poem using Katherine’s jazz CD tonight.  Took alot of tea and coffee, but I got through the whole thing in one sitting.  The draft is terrible, but that’s why I call it a draft–after I’ve edited it on the PC, it may seem like a masterpiece. 

Also, Cathy stood me up.  She was supposed to meet me for lunch Wednesday, but didn’t show.  When I called, asking what had happened, she claimed to have forgotten it.  She was really apologetic-sounding–but who knows if that’s real.  Anyway, she said she could meet me Monday, but I said no.  I invited her to join me and the Singletons for dinner next Friday, and she said she would. 

Still I’m suspicious for this reason: She told me that she never writes down lunchdates on her calendar, because it would be too confusing.  I write down meetings with anyone, for any reason, on my calendar.  Obviously I’m not important to her, or she’d write down a lunchdate with me.  But like a typical male fool, I called her tonight (I’d missed the Singletons dinner due to a bit of agoraphobia I’ve recently picked up), and left a message that I could see her Monday, after all.  I was forgiving when I called her the other day–told her I’d done that before too (actually I’ve only stood someone up one time, because of a severe panic attack, but I didn’t want her to think it mattered to me, since it probably didn’t matter to her). 

I still have her phone number.  I’m tempted to discard it.  It’s an OCD thing with me–when a woman does something like that, I generally trash her number to keep myself from crawling back to her (like I did).  But now I try not to do that, since it’s giving in to OCD–and how can I ever recover, if I keep giving in? 

Anyway, pardon my whining, and thanks for reading–it’s therapeutic for me!  When I tell people about my problems (I’m unusually expressive for a male–always have been), they get frustrated because they can’t solve them.  But they don’t understand–they aren’t expected to solve them.  Whenever someone confides in you, all you need to do is listen!  You can’t solve his/her problems, he/she has to solve them.  But listening acknowledges the person, and this is all anyone really needs from you–simply to be acknowledged!  So thanks for listening, you’ve acknowledged me!

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