Archive for February 22nd, 2011

WEATHER BIZARRE

Just a follow-up to this: The weather here has changed dramatically, in the last several days–uncannily so!  It’s still been sunny, but temperatures have shot-up into the high 70’s, possibly low 80’s–I have my air conditioner running right now!  In fact, yesterday I had to get a flattop, at the lowest setting, just to cool down (I’m hotheaded anyway)–and may have to alter that to a buzz cut, at the lowest setting, (my typical summer style) in the next few days!

And though I love this change, I cannot help but feel somewhat guilty (although I realize it’s an invalid guilt)–since it’s still so cold in the Northeast, and the Midwest is just recovering from blizzard conditions.

I also cannot help but question this sudden change–even here in Northwest Florida, it seems unseasonably warm, for February.  Or maybe it isn’t–maybe this is how it always was before last winter’s record-breaking cold. 

Is Earth naturally entering a warm phase?  I believe so–though, as aforementioned, we cannot know how much (if at all) we humans are aggravating it.  Yet whether one believes in this global warming, or not, one cannot help but realize something major is going on in Earth’s atmosphere.

On a lighter note–I joked to my barber yesterday, after getting my  lowest-setting flattop, “Now, watch it get cold again!”

FROM THE FRIARS CLUB

Everyone has a different idea of what’s funny–a different sense of humor.  Mine can be dark, raunchy, clean, etc.–depending on how clever the source of amusement is. 

Regarding books, the two funniest novels I’ve ever read are J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye and Mark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.  But the funniest book I’ve ever read, overall, is this one: The Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes.  This is a compilation of jokes told among members of the Friars Club, “the most prestigious entertainment organization in the world.”  It is edited/compiled by H. Aaron Cohl, with an introduction by Alan King.  The ISBN of this 1997 publication is: 1-884822-63-D.  I  recommend this book for any adult–it has “over 2,000 one-liners, straight lines, stories, gags, roasts, ribs, and put-downs,” and the range of humor is amazing–dark, raunchy, clean, etc., but all very clever!

I’ve read this book once–now I’m reading it again, this time marking the funniest jokes (to me), for quick reference.  Let me share my favorite, in the first segment (categories under the letter, A):

This young lady walks into a pet store to buy a parrot.  The guy behind the counter says that he only has one and that it’s a real “smart-ass” with a vulgar vocabulary and rude temperament.

The woman says, “That’s okay, I know how to handle smart-asses like that, I want the parrot anyhow.”

So the woman gets the bird home, puts it in her room, and starts to get ready for bed.  Just as she gets her slacks off the parrot says: “Awk…nice legs, baby!”

Well, the woman isn’t gonna take such abuse so she takes the bird out of the cage and puts it in the freezer for three minutes.  While the parrot’s in the freezer, he becomes real sure that this was the wrong thing to say, and is making a large mental note about saying that again.

The next night, again the woman is getting ready for bed.  This time the parrot knows not to say anything about her legs, but after she removes her blouse, and then her bra, the parrot just can’t resist any longer.  He blurts out, “Awk…great tits, baby, let’s see ya shake um.”

Once again the woman gets upset and she decides that instead of three minutes in the freezer, she is going to keep the parrot in for five minutes.  This time the parrot has lots of time to think.  Remorse gives way to desperation, and finally to anger.

Finally, the woman opens the freezer door, takes out the near frozen parrot and says, “Well, have you learned your lesson?”

The parrot, still shivering and barely able to speak, says, “Awk, yea, yea, sure, sure, but I have just one question.”

The woman says, “Yes?”

The parrot says, “Awk…what did the turkey do, ask for a blow job?”


Archives

Categories