FROM THE BOQ: LOVE & SEX #2

Another question from Gregory Stock’s book is this:

Are you more attracted to people whose personalities are similar to yours or very different?  What differences attract you and why?

Very different.  This is what gets me in so much trouble.  John Gray writes that, while opposites can attract, similarities keep people together.  And I agree. 

I’m most attracted to women who are introverted–even aloof.  The more reserved they are, the more mysterious, the more attracted I become.  Why lie–it’s the thrill of the chase.  The harder they are to get, the more I desire them.  But once I am lucky unlucky enough to get a date with one these, I soon find her boring at best, and frustrating at worst.

I write alot about evolutionary programming on this blog.  And this weakness of mine may be a weakness all men share, to some extent.  There may be some evolutionary reason for the thrill of the chase.  There are even folk songs about it:  “…love, oh, love, oh careless love, to love someone who don’t love you…”

But we are more than animals, though less than gods.  We are hairy angels, as well as hairless apes.  We are the only species on earth capable of rising above our evolutionary programming at all.

And this is what I must do–leave the introverted, reserved, aloof women alone, and focus on the women of my personality type instead.

10 Responses to “FROM THE BOQ: LOVE & SEX #2”


  1. 1 nursemyra April 23, 2012 at 7:58 am

    I’m an introvert and I’m attracted to other introverts. Extroverts exhaust me.

    • 2 solosocial April 23, 2012 at 2:08 pm

      That’s funny–yes we extroverts can be exhausting!

      Funny thing is, I was very introverted in my youth–I didn’t become extroverted till after I was diagnosed with mental illness in November, 1985. In fact, I’m not completely certain I am an extrovert. I often wonder if my true personality is introverted, and my extroverted personality is only an invention to survive in this extroverted world.

  2. 3 theduffboy April 23, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Thankfully, though I also had a soft spot for introverted girls, the outspoken ones always provided much more of a thrill (even though I myself tend to be introverted).

  3. 5 carolzart April 23, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    Hmmmm…. interesting. I’ve never actually thought of my attractions relative to myself!

    I’m extroverted, but I’ve always been attracted to introverts. I think it’s because, to me, they seem “safer” – less likely to cheat. What’s up with that??

    • 6 solosocial April 23, 2012 at 9:17 pm

      That’s funny! I tend to distrust introverts because they say so little. I know I got this from my dad. He’s soft-spoken (says almost nothing)–so everyone likes him, assumes he’s a good listener! I’m jealous of the man! With a blabbermouth like me, you always know where you stand, but with a “strong, silent type” like my dad, you never know–until it’s too late, and he explodes with rage!

  4. 7 UniSciKill April 26, 2012 at 2:48 am

    I was born an extrovert. Webster might as well redefine extrovert as my name. I’m not kidding.

    Yes, introverts can be attractive because they’re mysterious, but honestly most of the introverts that I liked or was attracted to was because of entirely different reasons. They were kind, honest, decent, hardworking, and modest. They had this aura of purity about them that attracted me if that makes any sense.

  5. 9 Allison May 5, 2012 at 11:31 pm

    Interesting analysis (and I like the picture…it reminds me of a scene of Kelly Preston from the beginning of the movie ‘For Love of the Game’, where she said people should wear signs to say how they were feeling…and Kevin Costner asked her what her sign would say and she responded, “Yes.” Great movie.)

    I used to think I was an introvert…and then I met my boyfriend, a true introvert. I suppose it’s all relative…I never thought I would consider myself the “social butterfly” of the relationship, but here I am.


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