Another question from Gregory Stock’s book is this:

What is the most planning and energy you have ever put into a romantic event?  Was the planning worth it, or might everything have gone as well without it?

I can’t think of a particular situation, but I’ve learned from experience that the more planning and energy I put into a romantic event, the more likely it will fail miserably.  When I was in my teens, twenties, and even thirties, I would wear myself out preparing for a date.  I’d wash my car, and vacuum the interior.  I’d pick out my nicest shirt and trousers, and iron them.  I’d shower as if removing hazardous chemicals, shave when I didn’t really need to shave, brush my teeth till my gums bled.  Typical OCD preparation.  Then I’d sit around worrying, until it was time to leave the house.  And throughout the planned romantic event, I’d be tense, nervous–of course.  The woman would sense this, and she’d never see me again. 

I’ve learned that spontaneity is the key to a truly romantic event–the less planning, the less effort, the less worrying the better.  (And alcohol certainly helps.)  No one is worth stressing myself out over–if she’s compatible, she’ll show it.  Romance is like humor for me, it has to be spontaneous.  I can’t come up with a joke on cue, though I can be hilarious if I’m not trying to be.  Same with romance–the more I try, the more likely I’ll fail.  The less planning and energy I put into a romantic event–the more I simply live in the moment–the better it will go, if it goes at all.

19 Responses to “FROM THE BOQ: LOVE & SEX #12”

  1. 1 bearmancartoons May 29, 2012 at 8:00 am

    My plan to ask my wife to get married. Too long winded to go into but let’s just say it included about 100 people.

  2. 3 Heather May 31, 2012 at 12:47 am

    I’ve planned quite a few elaborate surprises for boyfriends that went very well because they didn’t suspect a thing. Fun, fun stuff.

    My very favorite date memory was all because a guy I never expected to go through the trouble of planning something special…did. The spontaneous stuff followed later in the evening. Haha! 🙂

  3. 5 Friggin Loon May 31, 2012 at 1:31 am

    See Scott, women think you have something to hide when you go overboard on the first date. Because we are all suspicious at heart 🙂

  4. 8 nursemyra May 31, 2012 at 4:35 am

    I’m not really into planning romance. I like spontaneity

    • 9 solosocial May 31, 2012 at 5:35 am

      Understood. My tendency is to plan, but I’m trying to plan less. It’s like packing for a trip. My tendency has always been to pack far more than necessary. Now, I pack as little as possible. And I’m making progress. I’m 46 now, I’m tired of trying for love. I’m told love will find me, if I’m not looking for it. I don’t know if that’s true or not–at this point, it seems to make no difference one way or another. I don’t know if anything is ever meant to be–I’m not much of a believer in destiny. But I do know that if anything is meant to be, it will be.

  5. 12 Lynn May 31, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Well, Rip and I celebrated our anniversary on Monday- by doing nothing as always. We knew it was our anniversary, no point in making a big deal of it- I’ve never been the kind that needed a big to-do i.e. a ring, a wedding, even the mere mention of his throwing a birthday party for me brings too much unwanted attention to myself and I freak out. Probably because I never had the attention growing up let alone parties with me as the guest of honor!

    Anyway we’ve never been the kind to plan for romantic things like dates and such. In fact even our first date was spontaneous. He basically stopped me (in a crowded bar) on the way to the restroom and asked me outright if I wanted to go to a ZZ Top concert with him and a bunch of his friends from the bar in a limo. Mind you, I didn”t know him from Adam and NEVER did anything risky like that before. Once I got into the restroom my girlfriend told me she thought he was “bad news”. His hair was long, his beard was long, he knew everyone working at the bar and to top it off he wore pink high top Chuck’s and Hawaiian shirt before anyone else did! (we’re talking early ’80s)

    I agreed, thought about it for oh about 5 minutes then wrote my name/number on the back of a ticket stub. I stuck it into his back pocket as he leaned over the bar on my way past him out of the restroom and that was that! I guess you could say our lives have been spontaneous like that for the last 24 years after that date. You just can’t plan fate, sometimes it just happens. Sorry to make this so long winded, just reminiscing…

  6. 18 JillsyGirl Studio May 31, 2012 at 8:25 am

    It might be different for a girl, but my planned dates have normally worked out well. The key is to plan something fun, which usually ends up being romantic by its conclusion.

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