FROM THE BOQ: LOVE & SEX #17

Another question from Gregory Stock’s book is this:

Why do you think so many single people wish they were married and so many married people wish they were single?  Do you think many of these people would be happier if they were granted their wishes?

This is one of the easiest questions in the book.  It’s human nature to desire what one doesn’t have, and to dismiss what one does have.  Married people have many pleasures single people don’t have, and many problems single people don’t have.  Single people have many pleasures married people don’t have, and many problems married people don’t have.  There are advantages and disadvantages to both.

Of course I think many of these people, married and single, would be happier if they were granted their wishes.  But they would also have problems they didn’t have before.

Personally, I don’t desire a wife, but a mate.  And of course the only difference between a mate and a spouse is vows.  I’d like to have a long-term relationship with someone, without the pressure of wedding vows.  I am reasonably certain our relationship would last alot longer without the feeling of legal and moral obligations hanging over our heads.  Yet even if I did marry someone, I would date her for at least a year before even considering it.  As I’ve stated before, the decision to marry is second in importance only to the decision to have a child.  And it is better to be happily unmarried than unhappily married. 

Marriage is an innovation of man, not God.  If our pre-human, and even prehistoric human ancestors had remained monogamous for life, our species would not exist today.  Lifetime monogamy is really a luxury we can afford because there are so many of us.  But if there were a major catastrophe, leaving only a few of us humans alive–we men would have to have sex with as many women as possible.

And despite my monogamous tendencies (I’m definitely a one-woman man, just as my dad is), I think I could adjust to that, if necessary for the survival of our species!

6 Responses to “FROM THE BOQ: LOVE & SEX #17”


  1. 1 Friggin Loon July 9, 2012 at 9:17 am

    I think you are spot on Scott . Marriage is just a piece of paper and it really doesn’t mean commitment , And besides, in Australia if you live with someone for more than 2 years they are considered a spouse and can get half the house 🙄

  2. 3 Abby July 9, 2012 at 10:17 am

    First of all, I agree that monogamy is a choice we make, we are not “wired” for it.

    Funny, I was just having separate conversations along these lines with my husband and a friend. My husband and I agreed that we don’t need the government’s sanction to tell us that we are committed to each other. We got the piece of paper, though, because we planned to have kids and at the time felt that their parents should be married. Now, I don’t know if that’s so important.

    My friend and I were talking about how a marriage certificate isn’t such a big deal either. She commented on how more hetero couples are opting to go without, while gay couples are making it such a big deal. We just want what we can’t have?

  3. 5 Pammy Girl July 15, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    This question really hits home for me right now. I’ve NEVER been successful in relationships and I feel it is the greatest failure of my life. I’ll be 40 next year and am so lonely that it’s crushing my soul. But it’s not single vs. married. It’s more being alone or having companionship.


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