National Lampoon published a page-a-day desk calendar called True Facts, in which it featured one of its True Facts from its magazine each day.  These are actual news stories–they’re far too outrageous to be made up.  Now you can order National Lampoon True Facts compilations on Amazon–I’ve bought several myself.  But for the life of me I cannot locate this calendar anywhere on the Internet.  As far as I know, this page-a-day calendar was only published once–probably in 1994, possibly earlier.  I know this because I saved my favorites from this calendar and kept them in my Humor file.  This is an actual file full of humorous stuff I keep in an old-time file cabinet.  And in 1995, I pasted several pages from this calendar in my personal journal (which I’ve been keeping since 1992). 

This is the worst winter I’ve ever experienced in my life.  And since I need all the laughter I can get, I figure I might as well share it.

So let me begin with this one:

A Ventura, Calif., woman was bitten on the legs by a pit bull terrier she found tied to a tree.  According to the San Luis Obispo County Telegram Tribune; a sack of dog food, a 24-inch rubber hose, a rope, and a sign were found next to the tied-up pit bull.

The sign read: “Hello.  My name is Patches and I haven’t got an owner.  Would you be mine?  I don’t eat much and I don’t take up much room.  I’m a great watchdog and once I get used to you, I am real nice, but until then, just beat me with this rubber hose.”


  1. 1 Paul February 8, 2014 at 3:30 pm

    I also remember the Lampoon desk diary and just thought about it and thought I would order one as I remember how amusing it was.
    if it is no longer produced too bad !

    • 2 solosocial February 8, 2014 at 5:54 pm

      Thank you, Paul!

      As mentioned there are some compilations of National Lampoon True Facts in book form, available through Amazon. I’ve ordered several–mostly used, some new.

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