FROM NATIONAL LAMPOON TRUE FACTS (#5)

Alesandre Garcia, press spokesman for the Brazilian president, granted an interview to Ele e Ela, a Brazilian skin magazine.  The article appeared showing Garcia in bed, barechested.  The caption read, “I’ve lived sinful sex, mysterious sex, and taboo sex.  Finally I’ve arrived at natural sex.”  Garcia was fired.

–Cleveland Plain Dealer

 

This article appeared in the Guardian of Liverpool, England:  “A spokesman for the Swaziland government has announced that the Queen Regent will no longer be known as Ntombi, meaning girl, which suggests disrespect, but as Indlovukazi, meaning huge female elephant, a name more in keeping with her dignity.”

 

Jenny Seff, a secretary for Solent Exhibitions in Bournemouth, England, was testing the batteries of Robotham, the company’s robot, when he went berserk.  The robot chased Seff across the room and pinned her against a filing cabinet.  A company official, who came to her rescue, blamed the robot’s behavior on CB radio interference.

–AP

 

Vernon and Betty Daub of Elyria, Ohio, gave their first son a name they felt sounded “just right.”  The boy was named Zip A-Dee-Doo Daub.

–Elyria Chronicle-Telegram

 

Donald Lane, 25, of Sinclairville, N.Y., was arrested after a south Buffalo woman complained that she had answered his ad for a baby-sitter and was told by Lane that the baby involved was himself.  He allegedly handed her a typewritten sheet of instructions on how to change his diaper.  Police found other copies of the instructions in Lane’s car, along with a large diaper.  Lane told officers that he had found that the baby-sitting ad was a good way to meet women.

–Buffalo News

 

A 37-year-old Californian reported to the police that a man dressed in black and carrying “a big knife” broke into his home and forced him to smoke two packs of Pall Mall Golds.  The intruder then left.

–Santa Barbara News-Press

 

When two coconuts and a pair of candles were found near the Peace Tower on Parliament Hill in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, prior to the arrival of Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, Canadian police were “unable to determine whether the [items] were a deliberate hoax or simply an unusual set of objects left by accident.”

Toronto’s Globe and Mail reported that the prime minister’s arrival was delayed 10 minutes while police blew up the coconuts and candles.

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