Archive for March, 2014



This afternoon, I was complaining about having to wash my clothes, when I suddenly started laughing at myself.  I wasn’t washing my clothes–my washing machine was.  I wouldn’t have to dry my clothes–my clothes dryer would do that.  No, I was simply complaining about having to wait for my machines to wash and dry my clothes for me. 

Then I remembered the above “first world problems” item I had once seen on IzaacMac‘s blog–and how it had made me laugh my ass off, then think seriously about the point it was making.

I’ve said before that we, the mentally ill, suffer more than anyone else in the world.  And we are scattered throughout the world–from the first to the third, and perhaps the fourth–mental illness does not discriminate at all.  I’ve said the reason for this is that mental illness is, for most of us, actually emotional illness.  And there really is no physical pain that can equal emotional pain; no physical discomfort that can equal emotional discomfort; no physical turmoil that can equal emotional turmoil.  I may have even said that if you asked an injured or disabled veteran of any war, anywhere, how he or she managed to bear such wounds–he or she would probably make it very clear that his or her physical suffering was nothing compared to his or her emotional suffering.  And though I don’t personally know any injured or disabled veterans at this time, I think they would all confirm this.

I think I truly would rather be dying of heart disease, cancer, or even starvation, yet be at peace emotionally, than continue to suffer the emotional agony of mental illness in a reasonably healthy physical state. 

That said, I still cannot help but laugh at myself whenever I complain about my having to wash clothes–when all I really have to do is wait for my machines to wash them.  Despite my mental illness, I cannot help but amusedly admit that most of my problems really are just first world problems!


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I’m not certain–but after comparing these Bravissimo models’ photographs, I think I’ve finally identified her.  My girlfriend’s name is Heather Crook, if I’m not mistaken.  In a way I’m somewhat sad–it takes the mystery out of it.  All my life I’ve had to remind myself, over and over again, that women were only human beings, as I was–not the goddesses they appeared to be.  Well, c’est la vie.

Miss Crook, I presume?

Miss Crook, I presume?




When, in disgrace with Fortune and men’s eyes,

I all alone beweep my outcast state,

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,

And look upon myself and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,

Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,

Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,

With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,

Haply I think on thee, and then my state

(Like to the lark at break of day arising

From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven’s gate;

     For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings

     That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

–William Shakespeare


Well, Will, I can relate completely to the first nine lines–but not the last five.  You see, I have no sweet love, remembered or current.  And I likely never will.  There were many in my situation in your time.  Yet there are far more, four hundred five years later–here at the end of the world.

What words of comfort can you give us now?


Because this is the worst birthday I’ve ever had, this post is for the record only.  I am now 48 years old.


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And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others:

Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.

The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.

I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.

And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.

I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other:  for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

Luke 18 : 9 – 14


And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts:  for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.

Luke 16 : 15


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