Here’s another favorite of mine from The Friars Club Private Joke File:

It is the mailman’s last day on the job after thirty-five years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.  When he arrives at the first house on his route he is greeted by the whole family, who congratulates him and sends him on his way with a big gift envelope.  At the second house they present him with a box of fine cigars.  The folks at the third house hand him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee meets him at the door.  She takes him by the hand and gently leads him into the house and up the stairs to the bedroom, where she makes love to him, the most passionate love he has ever experienced.  When he has had enough they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast:  eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.  When he can’t eat another bite, she pours him a cup of steaming coffee.  He notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge.

“All this was just too wonderful for words,” he says, “but what’s the dollar for?”

“Well,” she says, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you.  I asked him what to give you.  He said, ‘Fuck him.  Give him a dollar.’   The breakfast was my idea.”


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