Because I’m a Southerner, and I’m not ashamed

Because I’m a descendant of Confederate veterans, and I’m not ashamed

Because I’m from Mobile, Alabama, and I’m not ashamed

Because I drive a pickup truck, and I’m not ashamed

Because I’m vehemently opposed to this cultural genocide of the American South, this posthumous extermination of the Confederate States of America, and I’m not ashamed

I’m a redneck?

So be it.

I’m an anti-Zionist redneck!

I’m a Beethoven-listening redneck!

I’m a coffeehouse redneck!

I’m a dare-to-speak-the-truth redneck!

I’m an enemy-of-apathy redneck!

I’m a fear-fighting redneck!

I’m a Guinness-drinking redneck!

I’m a home-is-where-the-past-is redneck!

I’m an intellectual redneck!

I’m a Jesus-following, non-Christian redneck!

I’m a know-nothing, know-everything redneck!

I’m a landlubbing redneck!

I’m a mother-fleeing redneck!

I’m a near-death redneck!

I’m an opposite-of-a-redneck redneck!

I’m a pussy-starved redneck!

I’m a question-everything redneck!

I’m a rage-against-the-Digital-Age redneck!

I’m a soothsaying redneck!

I’m a talk-to-strangers redneck!

I’m an unconventional redneck!

I’m a violently peace-seeking redneck!

I’m a War Eagle redneck!

I’m a xenophilic redneck!

I’m a young, old redneck!

I’m a Zen-now redneck!


(in the style of Fast Speaking Woman, by Anne Waldman)


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