Posts Tagged 'humor'

I THINK SHE AGREES!

22856945669_2dab2b33f3_o

http://www.lostsoulphotography.com

I CANNOT HELP BUT SEE A RESEMBLANCE HERE

If you’re a Republican voter, please don’t vote for Donald Trump in a remaining Republican primary.  Donald Trump would have almost no chance against Hillary Clinton in a general presidential election.  And Donald Trump could not competently serve as President of the United States, anyway.

Please vote for Ted Cruz or John Kasich, instead.

Either could competently serve as President of the United States–though John Kasich would probably be more competent than Ted Cruz.

That said, I cannot help but see a resemblance here:

Al CaponeTed Cruz

HELL, I EVEN MISS JIMMY!

evenmiss

I saw this bumper sticker on another pickup truck a while back–I wasn’t quite old enough to miss either of the above.

Lyndon B. Johnson was President when I was born–he was the worst U.S. president during my lifetime, and possibly of all time.

“LBJ, LBJ, HOW MANY KIDS DID YOU KILL TODAY?”

He deserved that–in fact, he deserved far more than that.

I’m convinced he even arranged John F. Kennedy’s assassination, though of course I can’t prove it.

The last good president of the United States was Gerald Ford–not because of what he did, but because of what he didn’t do.  President Ford just did his job–he didn’t abuse his power, and leave this country in worse shape when he left office than when he took it.

Every U.S. president since Jimmy Carter has abused his power, and left this country in worse shape when he left office than when he took it.

That said,

I MISS RON.

HELL, I EVEN MISS JIMMY!

TWO PEOPLE YOU SHOULD NEVER TALK BACK TO

Zig Ziglar wrote: “…fair play seeks what is right–not who is right.”

A synonym for “fair play” is justice:  Justice seeks what is right, not who is right.

In other words, it doesn’t matter who is right–it only matters what is right.

I don’t care who is right–I only care what is right.

That said, there are two people in the world you should never talk back to.

If the Dalai Lama corrects you, keep your mouth shut!

And if the Pope corrects you, keep your mouth shut!

NOTE TO SELF . . .

. . . and anyone else who tends to think aloud, when alone (which is really everyone):

If a tree falls in a forest, and there’s no one around to hear it, it makes a sound.  But no one hears it–because there’s no one around to hear it!  

FROM THE FRIARS CLUB #4

(This was originally posted on April 6, 2011–but I had to delete it due to technical issues.  I apologize to those who left comments on the original post.)

And this is my favorite from the fourth segment of The Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes (categories under the letter, D):

A guy who has a stuttering problem goes in to his doctor… “Ex-ex-ex-cu-cu-se m-m-me d-d-doc but but I I have th-th-this st-st-stuttering problem and I I I was wo-wondering if you c-c-c-could help m-m-me.”

“Well take off your clothes and get into this gown and let me check you over.”

The guy gets into the gown and the doctor begins his examination.  Finally, the doctor, obviously surprised, says, “I see what the problem is.  Your penis is so large that it’s pulling on your abdominal muscles, which in turn is causing strain on your vocal chords.”

“W-w-w-well c-c-can you h-h-help m-m-me?”

“Sure I can, but we’ll need to cut off about eight inches.”

“G-g-go a-a-a-head, D-D-Doc, I-I-I-I can’t t-t-t-take this an-anymore.  D-d-do it.”

Six months later the guy goes back to the doctor.  “Well, Doc,” he says, “I must say that the operation was a great success, but my sex life really sucks and I would like my operation reversed.  Please put back what you took off.”

The doctor replies, “F-f-f-f-f-fuck off!”


Categories