Posts Tagged 'Paul Harvey’s For What It’s Worth'


And here are two more timeless items from Paul Harvey’s For What It’s Worth:

Grit tells our For What It’s Worth Department . . .

A woman from Lansing, Michigan, was vacationing in Florida . . .

Found a secluded spot on the roof of the hotel for sunbathing . . .

Took off her clothing to get tan all over.

Within half an hour the hotel manager was beside her insisting that she cover up.

No, he agreed, nobody was in sight . . .

But she was stretched out on the dining room skylight!

February 15, 1980


The Sullivan, Missouri, Independent News informs our For What It’s Worth Department . . .

Four high school boys skipped morning classes . . .

Arrived late to tell the teacher the car they shared had a flat tire.

She smiled sympathetically.  But the teacher explained they’d missed a test that morning.

So she told the boys to take seats apart from one another, get out paper and pencil and answer this question:

“Which tire was flat?”

September 24, 1986


And here’s another timeless item from Paul Harvey’s For What It’s Worth:

Our For What It’s Worth Department has learned that Mrs. Gladys Gibbons is suing the man who was teaching her to drive a car. 

Mrs. Gladys Gibbons of London is suing her driving instructor.

She tells High Court that it was all his fault.

That during her nineteenth driving lesson . . .

Let me quote her precisely from the transcript of yesterday’s court proceedings.

Mrs. Gladys Gibbons, 55, says, quote:

“If he”–meaning Howard Priestly, the driving instructor–

“If he had just reached over and hit the brake or switched off the ignition–I might never have hit that tree.  But no–all he did was to brace himself, close his eyes, and shout:  ‘Now you’ve bloody done it!'”

End quote.

She charges “negligence”, wants him to pay the damages.

February 28, 1978


And here’s another timeless item from Paul Harvey’s For What It’s Worth:

Our For What It’s Worth Department understands Bob’s Famous Ice Cream Parlor in Bethesda, Maryland, was robbed but . . .

Manager Nathan Peabody was warned in time.

By telephone:

“You are the manager?  Listen carefully.  This is the police.  You are going to be robbed.  Do NOT resist.  Let the robber have your money.  Our police will be waiting for him right outside your store and we need to catch him with the money on him.  Thank you for your cooperation.”

Mr. Peabody cooperated.

Man with scruffy beard and a knife came in, demanded money.

Mr. Peabody emptied the cash register and gave it to him.

The bearded man with the knife took the money and left the store and kept going and kept going . . .

Then Mr. Peabody called police and said, “I have been had!”

March 26, 1986


And here’s another timeless item from Paul Harvey’s For What It’s Worth:

Eddie Stephens, Palmetto, Georgia, writes our For What It’s Worth Department . . .

About a local fledgling lawyer who was sitting in his new office waiting for his first client.

When he heard the outer door open he quickly tried to sound very busy.

As the man entered the office, the young lawyer is on the telephone saying, quote:

“Bill, I’m flying to New York on the Mitchell Brothers thing; it looks like it’s going to be a biggie.  Also we’ll need to bring Carl in from Houston on the Cimarron case.  By the way, Al Cunningham and Pete Finch want to come in with me as partners.  Bill, you’ll have to excuse me, somebody just came in. . . .”

He hung up.

Turned to the man who had just entered.

The young lawyer said, “Now, how can I help you?”

The man said, “I’m here to hook up the phone.”

January 7, 1982


Here are two more timeless items from Paul Harvey’s For What It’s Worth:

Our For What It’s Worth Department doesn’t know, but Tom Poole of Farmersville, Texas, swears it happened.

Two state policeman chased a speeder, caught up with him in Waxahachie.

The cop making out the ticket whispered to the other officer, “How do you spell Waxahachie?”

The second officer said he wasn’t sure.

First officer said, “Let’s let him go and catch up with him again down the road–in Waco.”

January 6, 1989


The respected American Medical News confirms what our For What It’s Worth Department is about to relay.

A patient complained of an earache.  His right ear.

His doctor prescribed eardrops–an antibiotic.

Are you with me to here?

The doctor prescribed eardrops for an earache.

When the patient got the eardrops prescription filled the pharmacist wrote on the bottle . . .

Three drops in r–for right–ear.

No space and no punctuation.

For “right ear”, the instructions on the bottle read:  r–ear.

That spells rear.

The patient said later he knew it sounded like a strange remedy for an earache but he had dutifully applied the three drops to his rear for three days before the error was discovered.

January 15, 1982


Here are two more timeless items from Paul Harvey’s For What It’s Worth:

Our For What It’s Worth Department appreciates the National Fire Academy in Emmitsburg, Maryland.

That’s where good firemen go to become better firemen.

Thousands each year–career and volunteer firefighters–go to the National Fire Academy to learn the latest in fire prevention and fire fighting and fire department management.

On that campus the current class in fire prevention was challenged to compete.

Students at the National Fire Academy were sent forth to see which student could find the most fire code violations in any one building.

The winner of the competition found and confirmed the most–180 separate fire code violations in one building–WITHOUT LEAVING THE CAMPUS!

October 17, 1990


Our For What It’s Worth Department has learned that in San Antonio, Texas, a priest has gone to court–to try to stop a member of his congregation from singing.

Father Alexander Wangler of Our Lady of Sorrows Church has tried every other way to get the woman to stop singing along with the church choir . . .

Now he is seeking a court order.

The problem is that she, in her pew, sings when the choir sings–but she sings only HER OWN COMPOSITIONS!

October 17, 1990


Here are two more timeless items from Paul Harvey’s For What It’s Worth:

Our For What It’s Worth Department reads Bo Whaley in the Dublin, Georgia, Courier Herald . . .

He reports a local third-grade geography assignment was for each pupil to stand and recite in a single sentence what he or she liked most about his or her home state of Georgia.

It was a third-grade girl who said, quote:

“I think we have the most beautiful state in the whole world; of course, I may be a little pregnant.”

End quote.

August 12, 1986


Our For What It’s Worth Department visits Raleigh, North Carolina, where a state cop stopped an obviously drunk driver.

While he was ticketing the man, there was a multicar accident on the other side of the divided highway.

The highway patrolman told the drunk to wait.

The patrolman went across the highway to sort out the accident.

After a while the drunk figured he’d waited long enough and he drove on home and told his wife that if anybody asked she should say he had been in bed with the flu all day.

Within the hour two state patrolmen appeared at the home of the drunk driver and asked to see him.

He came from the bedroom wrapped in a robe and coughing and wheezing.

The patrolmen asked if he had been driving that evening and he said he’d been sick in bed.

They apologized for bothering him and asked if they could take a look at his car.

The wrapped-up drunk escorted them to the garage and inside was–a highway patrol car, the blue lights still flashing.

January 15, 1986


Here are three more timeless items from Paul Harvey’s For What It’s Worth:

Our For What It’s Worth Department heard from Doc Blakely about a chap who traveled a lot . . .

And every time he was out of town his house was robbed.

The burglaries stopped after they arrested–his travel agent.

August 6, 1984


For What It’s Worth . . .

Virginia Young–is cashier at McDonald’s restaurant drive-up window in Des Peres, Missouri.

Cashier at the drive-up window.

She says enough of this customer.

He drives up to her window and orders a large Coke and he is wearing only a shirt.

Wearing nothing else.  Just a shirt.

So she called police after he came in that way–regularly.

For a year.

June 20, 1986 


Our For What It’s Worth Department hears of a great escape!

Gary Tindle was in a California courtroom charged with robbery.

He asked and got from Judge Armando Rodriguez permission to go to the bathroom.

While the bathroom DOOR was guarded–Mr. Tindle climbed up onto the plumbing and opened a panel in the ceiling.

Sure enough, a dropped ceiling with space between. 

He climbed up–and into the crawlspace–and headed south.

He’d gone thirty-some feet when the ceiling panels broke from under him and dropped him to the floor . . .

Right back in Judge Rodriguez’s courtroom.

December 4, 1986


Here are two more timeless items from Paul Harvey’s For What It’s Worth:

Our For What It’s Worth Department has learned that Duluth, Minnesota, is where a city council-man . . .

George Downs . . .

In City Hall . . .

Put his briefcase down while he put his coat on . . .

Put his briefcase down behind a statue in the lobby . . .

And forgot it . . .

Left it there . . .

When he went across the street for dinner.

He returned to City Hall in time to hear there’d been a “bomb threat”.

But the bomb squad had taken care of it.

They had opened a mysterious briefcase–with a blast of high-pressure water–and the whole lobby was wallpapered with George’s soggy, shredded papers.

April 16, 1986


Our For What It’s Worth Department hears that Speedy Morris–basketball coach for La Salle University–was shaving when his wife called out to tell him he was wanted on the phone by Sports Illustrated.

Speedy Morris was so excited by the prospect of national recognition that he nicked himself with his razor and ran–with a mixture of blood and lather on his face–and fell down the steps.

But he got to the phone.

And the voice on the other end said:

“For just seventy-five cents an issue you can get a one-year trial subscription . . .”

July 7, 1989


And here are two more timeless items from Paul Harvey’s For What It’s Worth:

Larry Stone of Paducah, Kentucky, tells our For What It’s Worth Department that he was recently on a plane from St. Louis preparing to land in Los Angeles.

He was in the washroom . . .

When he heard a rap on the door and a woman’s voice said:  “Don’t forget to wash your hands, comb your hair and zip up your pants before you come out!”

Larry did as he was told.

Then came out to be greeted by a woman who suddenly turned beet red and almost fainted.

She said she’d thought her young son was in there.

Larry said he didn’t mind being reminded.

October 18, 1990


Mrs. Patricia Pitt of Ogden, Utah, tells our For What It’s Worth Department that she presented her own small children . . .

With a videocassette . . .

And told them to have fun . . .

Which they did . . .

For forty minutes . . .

Watching what’s called a “skin flick”.

Forty minutes of steamy pornography.

Mrs. Pitt, horrified when she found out what it was, says she had not examined the cassette carefully when she’d rented it.

She’d noted only that the Disney cartoon character GOOFY was on the label.

She had not even read the title:  The Nine Ages of Nakedness.

Her youngsters, all under age six, thought it was “funny”.

August 9, 1984